Being truthful

So, I spoke with Eric, who is my, not really sure what he is beyond a friend at this point. I mean we were in a relationship and now that I'm so far away....it's kind of hard to have a relationship through that kind of distance. We are still friends, though. We email and talk regularly.

I called him last night as it'd been awhile. We spoke about many different things, but one of them was my job search. I had to tell him that I'm looking for jobs in other international schools. I didn't want to tell him that, because in my mind's eye I already see myself living back in Palm Springs. I see the two of us seeing each other regularly and just basically seeing where it all might go.

It was hard to tell that I might not be coming home. He seemed taken aback by the statement. He actually sounded sad. Especially when he asked how long the contract would be. It put me in a funk, I must say. I'm a bit depressed by this. He was able to be supportive about my searching elsewhere, but, I think he was disappointed that I might not be back. I can say that I'm just as disappointed myself.

I've already seen how I want to have my condo looking. Where I'll place things...putting certain things in a different place than before. I have plans of hanging out with friends at certain restaurants that I've missed. And I've planned to see Eric a lot!! It'll be very hard to do these things if I'm not there!

So, sadness has started to well up in me because of this and I'm frustrated that I might not find a job in the desert or surrounding area. I hope that I can. It's where I'd like to be!!!!! I don't blame Eric for sounding upset about my not coming back and being equally upset that if I did end up with another international teaching job, it would probably be another two years before I'd be back.

I don't want to be in this funk....but I suppose that it was best I told him now rather than too much later. At least he knows now. We'll see where this leads us!