No news

I woke up this morning after a dream where I had an email from the school saying that I had the job. But alas that was only a dream. When I checked....not-a-one email in my inbox. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I ended up going out for a LONG walk this morning to try to clear my head from all the frustration building up! It didn't really work.

This is so frustrating. If they have sent me a letter, it's not going to get to me until the end of this week - if then - because of the distance from the west coast to Germany. Yikes! I think I will email them a bit later and see if they have made any decisions. I hate playing this game. It's so difficult and hard. But....alas, I need to play it in order to get a job!

Will post more when I know more!

Knotted all up!

Ok, so I've had a crazy weekend....packing and cleaning and getting in "last" looks of my lovely German Village. I've been sad, happy, excited, and sad all over again. Now I'm waiting to see if I got the job I interviewed for last Monday. Sometimes I hate being on a 9 hour time difference!

I look at my email and....nothing....my tummy is completely knotted up. I'm nervous. I hope that I got it. It would fill the rest of my summer with relief!

I guess I should just chill out and be patient. The last time I was feeling like this was when I was in London waiting to see if I got the 2nd interview. I ended up having a fairly prophetic dream....the principal telling me "Of course we want you to work for us!" Or it was something like that. I wonder if I should wait and see if I get another prophetic dream....UGH!!! I. Do. Not. Like. To. Wait. Patience is SOOOOOO not a virtue of mine. I keep hoping it will miraculously become a virtue but, alas, it hasn't happened. Although I suppose sometimes I'm more patient than I used to be.

So I decided to sit down and blog about this moment. I am hoping that I can say how happy I am tomorrow....Because hopefully I can say that I will have a job tomorrow.

Ok, so, I'm trying to have faith and think positively and all! I. Can. Do. This. Be patient that is. Or at the very least, I can try!

Where do I REALLY want to be?

Huh? I don't know anymore...For most of this school year I thought I wanted to be back home in the desert where my condo is, but now that it's been difficult in locating a job in that same desert...I don't know. Going the int'l route again is ok, I suppose, I know I can do it, as I've already done it for 2 years. But do I really WANT to do it?

I want to be back in the desert because I'll be closer to family and friends that I've missed tremendously. And I'll also be closer to a special someone who hasn't left my heart. But do I move home just because I want to be closer to him? Is that really what I should do? Would that be a completely stupid thing? (I don't really need the answers to those questions - they are more rhetorical :o) ! ) I am pretty sure I know the answer I should give and yet, the heart, and brain are battling it out!

I suppose that time will tell what is supposed to happen both job-wise and man-wise....If he comes to travel with me this summer, then it might help me to know more of what I should do....but what if I get a job offer somewhere around the globe, but none in the desert? Do I say "No" just so that I can be in the desert to maybe get back together....

That's the thing, I don't know if he would even want to get back together - yep haven't asked that question yet. I think I know the answer, but I don't want to ask for fear that I'll receive the other answer that would make me sad. I'm a wimp, I know.

We actually have pretty good communication, but I find I get a bit scared here and there, so then i just don't ask the "tough" questions that might lead to a broken heart. I shouldn't even worry about it....we've been apart for 2 years. Although we still talk and email, and he came and traveled me last year for my spring break....we haven't been together for 2 years.

I'm a dork for even worrying about this, I'm sure, but I am a woman and this is what we do tend to worry about....especially when we're single. Well, perhaps the answer will come to me in a dream, or a job offer - I suppose that either one would do at the moment!

No Go....

So I had had an interview at my old school....it was a longshot as it was for a position I'm not completely qualified for, but....worth a try nonetheless. I didn't get the position and I'm bummed about that. I was hoping, even though I knew I probably wouldn't get it. Ugh! I did have another interview with a school way across the country, and we'll see about that one!

I'm searching for more international schools just in case I can't find a job back in the states....boy is this frustrating! Interviwing and all is not fun...

Ok, wish me luck for future interviews, and a hopeful job offer to come my way soon!

Transitioning Moments

What do you do when you have to cover your butt, but you don't really want to do that? What I mean by this is: I'm searching for a teaching job. I'd like it to be back in California where my condo is currently and sadly sitting empty. I'm in a holding pattern with one school, and because of that, I'm starting to look at other schools (international schools - and other states) to work at. I would prefer to go home. I've been away for 2 yrs and am homesick. But...in a weird way, I'm kind of excited about the prospect of living in another country....

So....here lies my quandary. Do I forge ahead and cover my butt so that I have a paying job next year, or do I hold out that there will be a position for me in California? I think I know that answer, but that answer is putting me at odds with myself. I want a job, but I want it where I want it. So....I suppose that I'll still have to be patient and wait for a position to show itself to me and then....we'll see where I end up. I guess I just need to let the breeze take me where it will take me!

I really don't enjoy transitions....but the thought of a new adventure is kind of alluring!