Where do I REALLY want to be?

Huh? I don't know anymore...For most of this school year I thought I wanted to be back home in the desert where my condo is, but now that it's been difficult in locating a job in that same desert...I don't know. Going the int'l route again is ok, I suppose, I know I can do it, as I've already done it for 2 years. But do I really WANT to do it?

I want to be back in the desert because I'll be closer to family and friends that I've missed tremendously. And I'll also be closer to a special someone who hasn't left my heart. But do I move home just because I want to be closer to him? Is that really what I should do? Would that be a completely stupid thing? (I don't really need the answers to those questions - they are more rhetorical :o) ! ) I am pretty sure I know the answer I should give and yet, the heart, and brain are battling it out!

I suppose that time will tell what is supposed to happen both job-wise and man-wise....If he comes to travel with me this summer, then it might help me to know more of what I should do....but what if I get a job offer somewhere around the globe, but none in the desert? Do I say "No" just so that I can be in the desert to maybe get back together....

That's the thing, I don't know if he would even want to get back together - yep haven't asked that question yet. I think I know the answer, but I don't want to ask for fear that I'll receive the other answer that would make me sad. I'm a wimp, I know.

We actually have pretty good communication, but I find I get a bit scared here and there, so then i just don't ask the "tough" questions that might lead to a broken heart. I shouldn't even worry about it....we've been apart for 2 years. Although we still talk and email, and he came and traveled me last year for my spring break....we haven't been together for 2 years.

I'm a dork for even worrying about this, I'm sure, but I am a woman and this is what we do tend to worry about....especially when we're single. Well, perhaps the answer will come to me in a dream, or a job offer - I suppose that either one would do at the moment!