Goodbyes are rough

So today was the last day of school....WHOOHOO!!! However with that came the goodbyes to colleagues and friends that have been wonderful and fantastic over the past two years.

I was good with my kids...I usually am. Then my room parents gave me this book with all the kids pictures and something they had said about me. I almost lost it then. It was crazy. Then when we sent the kiddos to their parents, I saw a few of my parents from last year and I tried to hold it together, but I couldn't. I gave the one parent a hug and the tears just flowed down. It was so crazy. Then I saw another parent from last year and that set me off again. And a parent from this year. Leaving is hard...change is hard...saying goodbye is painful! I had to say goodbye to the woman I have been working with very closely for two years....It was so hard. I did fine until I walked away....And now, just writing about it, I'm tearing up!

When I hugged my assistant principal goodbye I lost it as well. She's been so nice and wonderful over the past two years. One of the best administrators I've had. Thankfully the major person that I WILL have to say goodbye to didn't need to happen today. Too many people...parents, friends, colleagues, students....Not. Fun.

I'm happy that school is over and that I can move onto something bigger and better! But....these were a bunch of people that were just amazing to work with! I cannot have asked for a better group of people to work with and become friends with.

Thankfully we've already set up a reunion in two years....Australia! I can save up for that one, and I'm looking forward to it.

I know that my really hard goodbye is yet to come. And I'm so not wanting that one to happen. But at least Martine and I have a few more days together before all that occurs. It will be heartbreaking, but....I know that we'll see each other again and keep in contact over the years!

So...here's to a fabulous two years in Germany! I have loved it! I can't believe that it's coming to a close!

Being truthful

So, I spoke with Eric, who is my, not really sure what he is beyond a friend at this point. I mean we were in a relationship and now that I'm so far away....it's kind of hard to have a relationship through that kind of distance. We are still friends, though. We email and talk regularly.

I called him last night as it'd been awhile. We spoke about many different things, but one of them was my job search. I had to tell him that I'm looking for jobs in other international schools. I didn't want to tell him that, because in my mind's eye I already see myself living back in Palm Springs. I see the two of us seeing each other regularly and just basically seeing where it all might go.

It was hard to tell that I might not be coming home. He seemed taken aback by the statement. He actually sounded sad. Especially when he asked how long the contract would be. It put me in a funk, I must say. I'm a bit depressed by this. He was able to be supportive about my searching elsewhere, but, I think he was disappointed that I might not be back. I can say that I'm just as disappointed myself.

I've already seen how I want to have my condo looking. Where I'll place things...putting certain things in a different place than before. I have plans of hanging out with friends at certain restaurants that I've missed. And I've planned to see Eric a lot!! It'll be very hard to do these things if I'm not there!

So, sadness has started to well up in me because of this and I'm frustrated that I might not find a job in the desert or surrounding area. I hope that I can. It's where I'd like to be!!!!! I don't blame Eric for sounding upset about my not coming back and being equally upset that if I did end up with another international teaching job, it would probably be another two years before I'd be back.

I don't want to be in this funk....but I suppose that it was best I told him now rather than too much later. At least he knows now. We'll see where this leads us!